Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
