I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
