I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
