Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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