I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Randomize
