It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just forgot I was standing up.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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