At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
