The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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