i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
