I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
