Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
