Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
