So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
