i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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