you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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