i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
