So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
