phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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