How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
