i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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