You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
