i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
