Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
