In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
