we have pet lesbian snakes
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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