I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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