I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
