Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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