after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
