have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I am one with the molecules
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
