turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
