Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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