i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
