I want to make a zoo with you.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
