u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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