giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
