Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
