Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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