So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
