He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
