Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
