I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
