i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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