you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
