I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
