You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
