Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
