At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
