Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
