If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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