I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
