happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
