so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
