That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
