I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
