Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
