The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
